He is always here!

As I sit with tears falling down my face, I smile and thank God for all that He has done in my life. My best friend told me about this story of a family that was expecting their fourth little girl. A little angel they were going to lose right after she was born. They actually weren't even sure if she would be born alive. This family is more than amazing. Their story is remarkable. There are no words to describe them and their faith that they share with the world is so powerful and moving. It might be long, but their story will change your life. It has truly changed me forever. My life will never be the same and I can only hope the same for you.

I, like many I'm sure, look at my life and wonder how I got here and is it right for me? Do I deserve this? What did I do to deserve these beautiful blessings I have? Why me? What did I do that was so special to be able to be married to a wonderful, loving man and have two, amazing little boys? I start to doubt myself sometimes. I question God and ask Him how I got so lucky?

I also question Him when things go wrong in my life. Why now? Again, what did I do to deserve this? How come He feels the need to give me a burden I do not think I can bare? Why does He think I can handle things when I just know I can't? Where is He when I need Him most? How come He would do this to me?

After reading this story of little Audrey, how could anyone, such as myself, doubt that God is here or questions His reasons? Who am I to question his motives or wonder where He was in my time of need? How dare I? Truth be told, He is here! He was there when I had my heart broken for the first time. He took the hurt away. He was there when I lost my first love and best friend in a car accident...when my life changed forever. He held me close. He was there when I met Shay for the first time. He had a hand in it and we didn't even see it. He was there when we got married. He stood between us. He was there when our children were born. He held them first. He was there when my grandfathers and grandmother died. He carried them home. He is always here! How could I not see that before now? Why has it taken me this long to believe it? At some point in my life, I think I lost that. I think I lost the understanding of God. Of knowing He is in everything we do. Even when the worst is happening, He is there. This story is proof of that.

I know I've always had faith that Our Lord was watching over me. I've always prayed and I knew He was listening, but I'm human. I have doubts and I question the unknown. But no more. I will forever know He is holding my hand. He is walking with me and he is listening to my thoughts and my prayers. He knows them before I even speak them. He also knows the answer before I ever ask. It might not be the answer I was looking for, but it's the one I needed.

So God, I'm sorry. How foolish of me to ever think I could do things on my own. I now know You were and have always been in control. I pray that You will forgive me for my wrong doings and my lack of faith. I ask that You continue to have faith in me and know my faith will only grow stronger for You. Please, don't stop believing in me and please keep holding me close. I need You. I cannot walk this walk of life without You. I praise You and love You. Please guide me and help me to find my way through this life You have blessed me with. I am asking you, Lord, please help me to change. To be a better daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and person. I need Your hand, Your love, Your support to show me the way back to You so I can live for You and honor You. In His name~Amen.