To a new year and a new me

I know.... you probably can't believe your eyes. I'm ACTUALLY posting something! I can hardly believe it myself! But it's the beginning of a new year and one extremely small resolution of mine was to start blogging again. I know, seems simple, but a while (a LONG while) back I just couldn't find the time, or energy or even reason to blog. Not that I didn't have stories to tell or things I wanted to brag about, but it all felt so "routine" or like I was repeating myself over and over again. Eventually it got to the point that I didn't know where or when to start again because more and more time would pass and I felt like people (all 2 of you ha) wouldn't be interested anyway.

After the end of a year and start of another, I realize I don't want my blogging to be about other people reading it and having things to say to make you want to come back (sorry!!) but more for me and so I have something to look back on. I love to scrapbook, but absolutely do not have the time or patience to do all that I would want to do with it, so this is a perfect solution for me. I can journal struggles and triumphs. Important dates, moments and funny things that happen. Mostly, I can write about anything I WANT and in all honesty, it's such a stress reliever for me.

As I've said before, I love to write.... anything, anytime, anywhere. I'm a much better writer than speaker, which is why I hate to talk on the phone but can text a million miles a minute. It's not that I don't have a lot to say, because I always have plenty to talk about, it's just I prefer to write and proofread things so I can make sure I say what I want to say and how I want to say it.... because I tend to put my foot in my mouth or say things the wrong way more times than I want to admit. =)

With this new year starting, like most people I set new years resolutions, but instead I'm not setting things I will easily give up on. I decided I would only set things that I really want to work on and know that I will not quit after a week.... things that are too important to me to walk away from. And again, like most people, I feel like if I put them out there I can't go back on them.... so I'm using this as my accountability partner. My reminder that I set a goal and I want to reach them. To top it off, Hank had to set 3 goals for Karate at the start of the year, so if my 6 year old can set goals and keep to them, why the heck can't I?

Alright.... so here goes nothin--

1. I want to be a better wife. Not that I'm a bad wife or anything like that, but I know more times than I want to admit I put my "wifely" duties last. It's easy to do that when you have kids to take care of and other responsibilites and you have a spouse as great as mine, but it's not something I'm proud of and it's something that's been weighing on my heart a lot lately. I really want to be a wife my husband deserves and someone he really can't live without.

2. With being a better wife, I also want to be a better mom. Sure, I'm pretty much everything to my kids most days, but I will (sadly) admit my patience it not the best and our time together is not always quality, even if the quantity is plentiful. I want to spend more one on one time with the boys and be more involved with all the things they love..... even if it means putting legos together for hours or watching the same moving over and over. Fixing the race track 9 billion times a day, or pushing Jace on his bike because he can't pedal yet, but he wants to be just like Hank. I want to be not only their guardian and safe place, but someone they enjoy being with and WANT to talk to, play with and spend time with.

3. I want to go to church ... regularly. I want to read the Bible. I want to build a real, strong relationship with the Lord. A relationship that is just ours. I want to know Him like I've never known Him before and I want to really understand Him and His way. I want to trust Him and give Him all of me instead of the parts I feel comfortable giving.

4. I want to be a better friend. I have seriously put this on the backburner for many years now and I have some of the best friends in the world because they are still around and Lord knows I haven't been what I should have been.

5. I want to be better to myself. Sometimes (ok, all the time) I am pretty hard on myself. I never feel pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough. I always find a flaw or something to pick on. I want to be fair and learn to love myself for who I am. How can I expect others to treat me right or accept me for who I am if I don't even like myself?

Ok, so those are the biggest 5. Like I said earlier, I have some small resolutions (such as blogging more often) that I want to work on as well, but those will be "easier" to stick to than the "tough" stuff. So anyway, I'm gonna go start working on those by getting off here and spending some time with my little man before it's time to pick up big brother from school.... Air Bud and cuddle time.... here I come. =)


Sandy Hop said...

Wow- welcome back, Marissa! These are great resolutions! I hope to read many more of your posts in the NEAR future. :)

osbournesnut said...

You should read Crazy Love by Francis Chan!