Things I DON'T Understand

-why my oldest doesn't hear me the first, second, third, and sometimes fourth time I tell him to do things, yet hears his father the first time (well... most of the time)

-why my dog barks at me EVERYTIME i get on the phone, even tho he never needs anything important

-why my kids always need me the moment i need to go to the bathroom

-why my youngest wants to stay in his birthday suit alllll day, everyday

-why my kids feel the need to argue over EVERYTHING, big or small, just for the sake of irritating the other one

-why my oldest can't sit still longer then .435 seconds, does not understand the meaning of "be quiet" and has a sound effect for EVERYTHING

-why my little monster likes to pour his drink on the floor (whatever floor) then proceed to get down on all fours and slurp it up like a dog

-why my oldest has to question anything he can think of and then question my answer to the first question

-why my baby boy felt the need to remove his *new* pull up he was wearing ON HIS OWN after he pooped in it!

-more importantly, why he felt the need to then touch his rear end with BOTH hands, grab the poop out of the pull up, throw it on the floor, step in it, then walk up the stairs while smearing his dirty hands ALL up the walls and head to the bathroom to try to clean himself up, only to make a bigger mess for ME

-why i would find the last two even the least bit funny and not at all surprising?!?


*and just so you know, he did all of this in the time it took me to put the towels i just folded away in the closet.... all of 32 seconds!!!*