Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to

I'm here to ask for prayers. I write this today with a little feeling of worry inside my heart. Yesterday I took Hank to the dr because he woke up with his left ear bleeding. Of course my first thought was "oh gosh please dont say the ear infections are back!" and what do you know, they are. But it's ok... he's not hurting because luckily the infection is in the ear that still has the tube in place, so there was/is no pain or pressure... just drainage, so all is well.

The not so good news on the other hand, was his heart murmur. As some of you might remember, right after we moved to Conroe we found out he had a heart murmur. We went to two pediatric cardiologists and in the end they said it was benign (which is good!). I haven't really worried about it since then, except that the cardiologist reccommended we have it rechecked in a year (which a year was april). Well we haven't been to a new cardiologist yet because, well, to be honest, life has been CRAZY! But yesterday his dr was listening and had this concerned look on his face. He seemed a little worried but didn't want to "freak" me out. So he asked if we have had that checked and I said yes and he asked what they said. I told him and he pulled up the records to read it for himself... but he said the words I didn't want to hear. He wants us to have it checked again. He said the murmur is very loud and not localized (meaning in one area). He said a normal benign murmur is NORMALLY just in the upper left side of the heart, but Hanks is from top to bottom it radiates all the way over under his left arm, which are non-benign characteristics as well as the sounds it makes. He said he wouldn't be too worried if the other cardiologist said it's benign, dont worry about it and you never need to have it checked again, but because they wanted it to be looked at a year later, he said that makes him question why. So... once again we are going to take our "little" big guy to have his heart looked at. Which for those of you with children (or nieces/nephews) know how heartbreaking it is to take your child to a dr to see if something is seriously wrong. Hank has always been so scared of dr's because for as long as he can remember, he's had to see them constantly. With tubes twice and adnoids removed, two heart dr's, and x-rays for him being so small, the poor guy has had more done than many people do in their whole life! I just want this to be over with for him!


I am trying to be strong and not stress over it because I have faith God is watching over him and all is well. I also have faith that it is benign and he will and can live a happy, normal, healthy life. I feel that if it was more serious he would not be able to go 90 to nothin 24/7 like he does. He is way to active to not have a perfect heart. He is so happy and busy all the time, I just can't believe how it could be possible for something to be wrong. But I still ask for your prayers and thoughts for Hank while we wait to check and make sure everything is okay. I will continue to think positive and be hopeful for his sake and mine. God will take care of us, I know this. Hope and Faith are two things I'm not letting go of...