Anxiety and all

Continuing with fathers day...

I am probably one of the shyest people you will ever meet. Most called me a bitch growing up because I didn't talk and seemed "rude" by doing so, but truth is I'm too damn shy to say anything! I get embarrassed SO easily that I don't even like to order a pizza over the phone. I know, I'm so strange! I'm serious tho! I can go out in public with no make up on and not care what someone thinks, but to have to talk to someone I don't know and talk about something I don't know anything about, sends my anxiety levels through the roof.

Shay somehow manages to accept this and never says anything about it. He knows I hate to talk to people that I don't know. It's not easy for me to make friends and confortation is something I don't do. Maybe that's why I was always such a "doormat" when I was younger. I'd rather let someone walk all over me than say something that could start an argument. At least with someone I don't know.

I love Shay so much for his compassion and understanding. He respects that I have my faults or quirks and accepts me just the way I am. Growing up my mom always took care of everything for me (and many of my friends) ha, so I never had to face my fear of sticking up for myself. Against teachers or principles (and those that know me know I had a few run ins with those -- Truitt!) She was always there to take care of the "dirty work" so now, it's a new learning experience to figure out how to take care of my kiddos problems. I just don't have the guts to face people at times and tell them what needs to be said. Call me coward, it makes my body shake even now thinking about having to do that.

My best friend Aimee always tells me "do I need to call "whoever" and tell them whats up?" haha. She cracks me up cuz she will tell you like it is. Shay is the same way. Piss him off, you'll know.... piss me off, you may never find out. I only say things to people I know when they hurt or upset me.... but a "stranger" or even an acquaintance.... forget it!

I am so greatful to be married to a man that goes out of his way to not put me in the situations where I might have to deal with that fear of mine. He is so good to me by doing things he knows I am afraid of without even making me feel bad about it. I'm getting better, because lets face it, if I wanna live my life, I will have to talk to people I don't know, but Shay makes it easy for me to slowly work my way into it all. He has never once made a comment about it making his life harder (which I'm sure it does) because I'm such a chicken about the smallest things.

He loves me, anxiety and all, and I love him most for putting up with my crazy ways!

Because You Love Me -- Jo Dee Messina

I don't know how I survived
In this cold and empty world for all this time
I only know that I'm alive
Because you love me

When I recall what I've been through
There's some things
That I wish I didn't do
Now I do the things I do
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

I believe in things unseen
I believe in the message of a dream
And I believe in what you are
Because you love me
With all my heart and all my soul
I'm loving you and I never will let go
And every day I'll let it show
Because you love me
Because you love me
Because you love me

♥Marissa♥