Until tomorrow...

I am officially fired from being a blogger!! At least if I was you, I'd fire me. Sheesh... I'm terrible. I can't believe it's been WEEKS since I've posted. So much has happened, how could I not have posted SOMETHING?? Even just a picture... man, I'm the worst.

To make things worse, tomorrow is my little man's 5th (yes, you read that right... FIFTH) birthday!! I think I'm trying to accidentally forget that tomorrow is the 7th. I don't want Hank to be five. I'm not old enough to have a five year old. (haha) I'm so not prepared to watch him do all the things a five year old will do. Start BIG school (as he calls it) is the part I think I'm dreading the most. Once that happens it's over. I'm no longer needed. He will spend more time there than at home (well awake anyway). I'm just not liking this growing up business AT ALL. Could someone please tell me how to make it STOP!!!!!!

Hank on the other hand is already planning on turning 6.... on saturday. He has it in his head that because tomorrow is his ACTUAL birthday and they are having a "party" at school that he will turn 5 there.... then on saturday when we have his party for him, he will turn 6. Hmm... I'd be like 50 right now if that was the case.... Thank goodness it's not!!! ha

Anyway.... either way, five, six, seven.... I don't want him to get any older. Sure I have my moments where I think "man I can't wait for this kid to go to school" but in all honesty, I am gonna miss having him around all the time. We have so much fun together. He keeps things fun and interesting everyday. There is never a dull moment in our house and there is never a day that goes by that I don't get asked something that I can't even answer because I'm laughing too hard. You guys wouldn't believe me if I told you even half of the things that come out of that little guys mouth!

For now, Hank is still four. He is still my baby, even tho I have another baby. For a few more hours, he is still a little boy and not so much of a big boy. He is still a toddler and not a child. To me, he will always be my little man.... to him, he will always be bigger than he is. This kid, I swear, he has no idea that he is the smallest in his class. He has no idea that just because a kid is taller than you that he can be younger than you. He never lets his size get in his way. He is by far one of the best in his karate class (which he moved to the advanced class since getting his CAMO belt and I could not be more proud!!) He is such an inspiration in my life. I know people say children are innocent and they know no bad or wrong.... and I truly believe that, but seriously, my guy really inspires me to be a better person. He sees the good when I see the bad. He sees the light when all I see is darkness. He sees the upside when I see the down. I'm not really a pessimist, but in the rare occassion I am, Hank can always make me see the optimistic side of whatever situation we're in. I love my little man more than he will ever know or understand (at least not until he is grown and has kids of his own, but that will never happen because he is staying FOUR forever!!).

So until tomorrow, I will not cry. I will not be sad that he is growing up.... I will be happy that he is still my "baby" and still wants to kiss me goodbye, even in front of all his friends. He still needs my help at times and he still wants to curl up in my lap and spend quality time with his momma. He still loves me and hasn't learned what the meaning of the word HATE is yet (lets pray he never does!) He still looks up to me and thinks I (and his father) know best and he still listens (well, sometimes!!) to what we have to say. Until tomorrow, Hank is still four. He has not crossed over to the "child" side of my mind and until tomorrow, I will still see him as the little 5lb 12.5 oz little baby he was the very day he was born. He is my first born... my little man.... my baby.... always.