3.05.2009

I need your prayers

I started my last two posts with full intentions of asking for you all to pray. I was planning to tell the story and share the circumstances of why I'm asking for prayers. As you can tell from reading the previous two, that I never got around to asking you all to pray for my grandma. Maybe I got caught up in what was going on with me personally yesterday or maybe I just couldn't face the fact that once again I'm here, asking you all, to pray for her. Not that I don't want the whole world to pray for her (or anyone I know and love) everyday for no reason at all, I just don't want to be here asking for prayers for THIS reason.


Some of you may know, almost 2 years ago my grandma was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. It was devastating, to say the least. It felt so wrong. So unfair, that someone like her, someone so loving and caring, would have to suffer that way. I'm not saying anyone who gets cancer deserves it, but seriously, she is someone who does no wrong. She's a faithful follower of Our Lord. She has never been a smoker or drinker. Never done all the things you associate people with cancer doing. Obviously I know ANYONE can get cancer, but I have to admit when I first hear of someone that has it, I immediately think "it makes sense since they've been smoking 20+ years." I know that might sound cruel or harsh, but it's the truth.


My grandma on the other hand, is not that person. She is truly one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. She loves with all she has. She does more for people, no matter who they might be, than many people do for their own family. Her bond with Hank is so special, I don't think even I understand it all. They just have this connection and no one else compares. Partly, that's what scares me the most. I don't know what I will do if (and it WON'T.... it can't!!) anything ever happens to her.....

After finding out about her cancer, she had surgery and did chemo and radiation and slowly, but surely recovered. From then on, things have been anything but easy for her, but she's here. She's healthy. She's cancer free. What more could we ask for? We are eternally grateful for Gods willingness to allow her to stay with us. We are so proud of her and how hard she fought. She is so strong, it's such an inspiration to me.


Every three months she goes for blood work to check certain levels and make sure the cancer hasn't come back. She has scans and sees all kinds of different dr's to get the "ok" and moves on. She finally got the "all clear" and told she didn't have to come back for 6 months! This was wonderful news. Until 2 days ago.


She got a call saying her CEA blood test showed her level had gone up. It has been a constant 4.9 since kicking cancers butt, but this test said her level was 50.1. WHAT?! Are you kidding me? How does it go from 4.9 to 50.1 in 3 months? How is it that every dr has given her the go ahead and all tests have come back normal and now this is making everyone else to be wrong?


I was seriously shocked when she told me. I'm sure she was even more devastated this time than the first time she found out she had cancer. I see now where my mom (and myself) get our strength from. She somehow can hold it all together when everyone else would be falling apart. She told me the news like it was no big thing. I, of course, didn't want to just fall to pieces while talking to her, but I was crumbling inside. I still am.


We don't know any results. We don't know any diagnoses. We don't know much of anything as of right now, but we do know God is good. We know He is here. He is listening. He is working in all of us. I know she is brave. I know she is strong. I know He loves her and I know she loves Him. But I need her. I want her here. I can't live this life without her as a part of it.


So I'm begging you.... I'm pleading with God to save her. To heal her. To make the first tests be wrong. I'm asking Him to do SOMETHING!


Please, be praying for my grandma -- Mammaw to me, Mimi to my son and Pat to the rest of the world. Pray for strength, courage, and the wisdom to know what is right. Please ask God to give our whole family comfort, acceptance and some kind of peace. We need all the help we can get right now. The last few years have been a very trying time for all of us (for many other reasons on top of this) and we finally thought we could breathe again....


I'm on my knees, giving it all to Him. I know He is the ultimate healer and it's out of my hands. I'm asking you to do the same. Pray for my grandmas to have the knowledge they need to help her. To heal her. To cure her.


I know you all will pray. I know you all care. I know I am loved. I feel it. I really, really do.... and I thank you. There are no words to thank you for your kindness and your concern. Nothing I can say or do can express to you my gratitude for praying for my family. All I can say is, I'm praying for you and yours in return.


It's all in His hands now and out of my control. I'm believing God.... I'm trying.... I'm waiting...





3 comments:

Aimee' said...

You can count on my prayers for Mamaw!! I know the word cancer scares the heck outta people...but she's like my dad...nothing can stop them!!! Cancer won't get the best of her, I promise!! love ya!

ErinLynn said...

I'm sending prayers Riss. I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope everything is going to be ok.

Amanda said...

Oh Marissa,
I am praying for her and for your whole family. Everything you said in your post is so true. All you can do is give it ALL to Jesus and let yourself feel His peace and His presence.
Praying for answers and healing for your sweet grandma. Please keep me posted!