It's the Climb

Ok, so I know I just posted, but like I was saying, it didn't end up where I had planned for it to go.... which is perfect, because it went in the direction it needed to go. It makes posting this a little bit lot easier.

Before starting, I want to share something that I feel changed my whole outlook on how and what I was feeling just a few short hours ago. I also want to let you know that this is not something I just woke up this morning and decided I wanted to know Him. It's something I've been searching for. Praying about. Longing for -- for a very, very long time now. It's been slow, but steady and I truly feel I'm growing and coming to know Our Amazing God and myself more than I ever have before. I also know there is a long road ahead of me and I will face many mountains to climb along the way, but I'm excited and looking forward to what lies ahead.

So, before this turns into another rambling post, let me share with you what I was trying to a second ago. As I was writing my last post, I was sitting in bed (yes, I'm lazy like that) watching listening to CMT when I suddenly couldn't write anymore. I was contemplating deleting everything I had written so far and closing the computer and walking away. Something I've become pretty good at. It's so much easier to turn around and ignore the challenge rather than face it head on and deal with it. Instead, it was as if God already knew exactly what I was about to do and He wasn't going to let me this time. He is ready for me and He knows I'm ready for Him....

Backing up just a step, in case there are any readers who don't know me (doubt it!) I LOVE country music. It's probably one of the main things I listen to and I have this insane connection to certain songs. When I'm struggling and or going through something, good or bad, I can always find something to explain it when my words won't come out right. I'm weird like that. Ask anyone that does know me, if they want a song, for their wedding, a boyfriend or whatever, they call me because I can tell you exactly what you are trying to find.... I'm tellin' you.... I'm weird like that. This is so getting off track....

As I was saying.... Craig Morgan came on CMT and started singing a song I had never heard before. I like him, but he's not someone I think to listen to or look for his new CD if I'm actually going to buy one (which is like, never). Within the first few seconds of hearing this song, I lost it. I literally just started bawling. Now, I will admit it could have been a number of reasons for this, such as the stress I'm feeling at the moment, the frustration and anger I have towards some not-so-great news yesterday, or because I'm female and we have those dreaded times of the month aka PMS and well, you get the picture (sorry for the TMI), but I know it's not because of that. It's Him. My heart just let go.... It opened and He took hold.

He smacked me in the face, grabbed me by the shoulders and said

"I'm here child. Listen to me. I hear you. I forgive you. Let me do my work in you. Believe that I really love you. I will never give up on you"

That's all I needed. With tears flowing down my face, the words just came out and well, that's how my last post came to be. How more clear could it have been? Seriously?!? Just read the lyrics.... He is so GOOD!

"God must really love me" - Craig Morgan

There's been times I've let my faith run thin
Not been the man I should have been
After all the trouble I've been in, I'da gave up on me
I've lived hard and I've lived fast
Lost things I will never get back
Cause someone to look past all of that
God must really love me

When I look at the miracles around me
At the way that I live and the way He forgives
I know He's up there smiling down on me
And I believe the only reason why
I'm still alive is
God must really love me

Wake up and feel you by my side
The perfect girl, the perfect time
And see the way our future shines
God must really love me

When I look at the miracles around me
At the dream that I live and the gift that he gives
I know he's up there smiling down on me
And I believe the only reason why
I get to live this life is God must really love me

When I showed the worst, He saw the best
He pulled the world right off my chest
Every day I wake up I feel blessed
Yeah, I feel so blessed
God must really love me
God must really love me
God must really love me


That's all I can say. Sometimes I'm so blind. I'm asking for an answer or begging for a sign, and like I tend to do with my husband, I assume that if it's not done/said in the way I would do it that it's not right, but boy did He put me in my place today.... Not once, but TWICE!

Yes, God got a good laugh today. After I wiped my face, I proceeded to go right back to questioning Him and His way. I sat here and said "alright, I get it. Now what? Where do I go from here? Why me? Why her? Why again? Show yourself!!!"

He once again, proved that it's not up to me. That if I'm going to let go, I have to let it ALL go. I can't do it half way and it will all happen and answered in His time. I guess God felt the need to show himself to me a little more and really get my attention. Make me fully understand and believe that He is all around me and He is listening. He really does hear me. The skeptic in me sometimes needs a little more to come around and fully get it..... He knows this.

So what happens??? This....

Again, how much clearer could He be?

"Patience my child. All in good time."

Like Miley says in her video....

"The struggles I'm facing, The chances I'm taking, Sometimes might knock me down, But I'm not breaking"

Thank you Lord. I'm keepin' the faith...


Amanda said...

oooohh...i loove that Miley Cyrus song! How great and how true...look up Desert Song by Hillsong. That helped my grief when my dad died. Its a great one. Music always helps me through struggles, too!